What The Chef?

Corey: i forget how to start these things.

Alex: FirST oFF wE UsuALLY USE propeR CaPITILIZATIOn…I didn’t say it like that!

C: I am in control now!

A: ohhh…

C: Welcome back Followers! How have you been? (pauses to hear how you’ve been because i’m that nice of a guy.)

A:(also pausing) It’s never going to be the same again.

C: Quit yer whinnin’

A: (Stares confused-like)

C: I’ll work on my crazy old prospector voice more.

A: Ummmmmm, so I’m moving to Ottawa. Don’t know if you remember that or not.

C: I try not to think about it.

A: Does it upset you?

C: I just don’t like thinking about the word Ottawa.

A: Oh…oh.

C: And losing a great freind.

A: Some would say…wait a minute, what’s a freind? You actually pronounced it freend!

C: This is why you should be typing.

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OK, so we started this blog with pretty bad timing.

I had to move out of my apartment with the sweet kitchen the week after our last update. I’m living with my Grandmother for the time being, and I don’t want to mess up her kitchen.

But fear not, we will be back. I’m going to try and figure something out with Corey such that we could perhaps Bake via Skype in order to keep the team aspect going. Then we can compare our dishes at the end. Maybe something like that, maybe we’ll just go solo. I’m not sure.

I should have quite a bit more time though once I move to Ottawa and don’t have to take any more classes for my degree. School will eventually just turn into a normal day job and not eat up my evening and weekend hours like it has been.

So, you can expect updates again in mid to late December, or Early January at the latest.

Thanks for sticking around, even though most of you probably simply forgot you were following us.

Surprise: You are!

*Cake Boss

Corey: So, who’s going to start?

Alex: Well, I started last week so, I feel like you should start.

C: Oh………….

A: I’ll just type out this exchange. That will work.

C: Bitchin’

A: I have a feeling we’re going to try way too hard to avoid the sophomore slump. Let’s just jump right in and keep doing what we’ve been doing.

C: Yeah!

A: This week we decided to bake a cake. A layer cake!

C: From scratch!….ladies.

A: I bet we could get a lot of chicks with our cake skills.

C: I guess we’ll find out after this post.

A: True.

C: Are we going to upload the photos now?

A: Well, I figured we’d just put place holders in for now.

C: I need to photos so I can visualize my jokes though.

A: Oh, OK, do you want to go grab the camera while I talk to cute girls on the internet?

C: That’s going in the blog you know.

A: Obviously.

C: Actually we’re supposed to test the cakes for completeness right now. We need a toothpick.

A: I don’t have a toothpick…

C: We need something to poke it with.

*ALEX LEAPS TO HIS FEET*…

A: I HAVE A CAKE TESTER!  *cue Zelda treasure found music*

C: OK, so now that’s out of the way, maybe we should start at the beginning?

A: Good Call.

A: In just a few short minutes these raw ingredients will turn into a delicious white layer cake.

C: That was my nickname in high school.

A: Delicious White Layer Cake?

C: No, Raw Ingredients.

A: Cue Rimshot. You can find the recipe that we used for the cake and icing Here and Here.

C: As you can see, things are already going better than last week. 87% better by this point.

A: See, the only problem with having a real recipe, aside from remarkable success, is that you can’t really read them out in a funny voice.

C: Sure you can, you can read it like Bill Cosby. *Corey does just that, hilarity ensues*

A: Recipes say the darndest things.

…silence…

C: Anywayyyyy….  After Alex successfully creamed the butter egg and sugar, it was time to add everyone’s favourite dry compound. Dry Ingredients!

A: Alright, at this point I was doing the mixing and it was up to Corey to add the dry ingredients slowly, alternating with the buttermilk.*

C:….

A: Corey, the dry ingredients!

C: Sorry, I was talking to a girl.

A: Again?!

C: If there’s one thing that will cause the downfall of my culinary career, it’s talking to girls.

A: A true chef blogger doesn’t talk to girls while he works!

C: We’ll see about that.

*Cue Evil Mastermind Laughter*

A: That was weird and completely not foreboding.

C: Not at all.

A: After the dry ingredients and buttermilk was added we realized we forgot a step.

C: The Vanilla!

A: I feel like it was safe to put it in at the end.

C: I’m pretty sure when we were actually doing this I said that, but whatever.

A: Then it was time to put the batter into the pans!

C: My name is Corey Henderson and I approve of this cake batter.

A: Me too, apparently.

C: Into the oven they went. Next up is the frosting.

A: Hey, that looks suspicious!

C: Welcome to Cocaine** City gentlemen!

A: Crap. We kind of screwed up the icing recipe a little bit. We threw everything in at once and just started stirring. Fortunately it wound up being pretty damn good.

C: I think the cocaine** helped.

A: Has it ever hurt anyone?

C: So now that the cake is baking, and the icing is made it’s time to start writing this post.

To the couch!

A: To the couch!

C: To the mandatorium!

A: What is a mandatorium?

C: You know the table they sit at in Futurama?

A: Yes.

C: That’s a mandatorium.

A: Ohhh, because it’s mandatory.

C: Yep.

A: Alright, time to focus on writing this bitch.

*Cue Alex getting IMs from a bunch of cute girls*

C: Well well well, what do we have here.

A: Well that certainly wasn’t known when we started writing this piece…

C: FORESHADOWING!

A: Here’s some hot baking action for your ocular pleasure.

C: It smelled so good.

A: My apartment has never smelled this delicious. Apart from the Maple Syrup incident back in May.

C: Never forget.

*Moment of Silence*

A: By this time the cake has finished baking! It’s time to let them cool. First for about 10 minutes in the pan, then a bit longer on some snazzy wire cooling racks.

C: It’s so smooth.

A: SO Smooth.

C: This is my artistic shot.

A: I like the composition.

C: This is when we started icing it.

A: We neglected to test the tastiness of the icing before slathering it all over the cake. Turns out, delicious.

C: We should really caption this photo “Awwww” when we put it up. That spatula is tiny!

A: Why do I have all of these adorable utensils?

C: It looks like a giant Golden Oreo. It’s majestic!

A: Et Voila!

C: So does that mean….it’s

A: Yes, it’s time to cut the cake!

C: YEESSSSSSSSS

A: Oh wow.

C: MMMMMMMmmmm

A: Wow.

C: Yeah.

A: Whoa.

C: Holy Balls.

A: I think this cake is proof that there is God.

C: Irrefutable.

A: Success!

C: This concludes this edition of What The Chef. Thanks for joining us. Tell your friends!

Post Script:

A: We forgot to talk about baking with a soundtrack.

C: Oh yeah, Thank God for post scripts.

This week we baked to the score of the new Scott Pilgrim Vs The World movie. Out in Wide Release Friday August 13th.

A: We weren’t paid to say that, it’s just that awesome.

C: Go see it, bitches.

C: That’s like a general bitches. Everyone’s bitches, not just girls.

C: That would be a sweet shirt.

A: Ok I’m pulling the plug now.

A: Doctor.

C: Doctor.

*We had to make our own buttermilk substitute with whole milk and lemon juice.

**Not actually cocaine.

Alex: So how are we going to start this thing?

Corey: Welcome!

Alex: Yeah, I like that. Now, should we introduce ourselves and what this is all about?

Corey: Welcome!

Alex: Ok right. So, I’ll be like the straight man and you can be the wacky side kick.

Corey: Partner!

A: Right, Partner, sorry. OK, where were we?

C: We were introducing the Blog.

A: OK, I’m Alex. I’m an engineer with a knack for the Romantic. I love eating and trying my hand at making new things. This all started when I told Corey that I want to make some crepes tonight using a recipe that I got from a fellow Tumblrer.

C: And I’m Corey. I’m a musicologist with a knack for eating food. I like adventuring a lot, so the way I see this blog is just another adventure. This time with tasty results. As Alex mentioned just right above me (see: above), we were going to make some crepes. let’s just say, things got pretty crepey.

A: Nice play on words.

C: *snicker*

A: The recipe we used can be found here. It’s pretty much improvised, and based off an already improvised recipe. Full on Double Improv All The Way. What does it mean? This was a recipe for disaster.

C: I liked sounding out her ridiculous punctuation. Especially in a Tracey Morgan voice. Also, Gandalf.

We should put the first picture up.

A: Everything started out so well!

C: I said that! Don’t be taking all my lines!

A: Alright alright alright *Goes back to change it….changes his mind to allow for this joke*

C: Where are we at right now?

A: The pan was getting its even heat on.

C: I love even heat….ladies.

A: And this is pretty much where everything turned to crepe.

C: Hey that’s me! I’m buttering the pan so that the crepes don’t stick. Turns out, too much butter is an actual problem.

A: And then we started the actual cooking process.

A: Things were going OK.

C: It looks like a ghostly spectre of what a crepe should be.

A: We realized at this point that we forgot the pinch of salt for this trial. We decided to keep it going anyway. Eventually it was time to flip. Uhhhh…..

A: We Cheffed it up. Big time. I feel like you need to say something at this point, Corey.

C: Sorry, I was talking to a cute girl.

A: *silent agreement*

C: So, yeah. That crepe was the embodiment of our cooking for most of the night.

A: Should we post the picture of our most successful attempt now?

C: Sure.

A: I have a feeling that most of these projects are going to wind up as failures.

C: When God closes a door, he opens a window.

A: A drive-thru window.

C: Success!

A: Well, that’s it for our first project. I hope you enjoyed it. Any final words Corey?

C: I finished my frosty but then forgot that I finished my frosty and went to get more frosty but then remembered that I finished it.

A: And how.

Post Script:

A: I guess we never really touched on how we were going to stick to actual non improvised recipes as a result of this experiment.

C: We can go back and edit the post.

A: Good point.